Joey Heatherton in Bluebeard (1972)

I’ve told the story many times, but for those of you who haven’t heard it, she once hit on me. I was in the piano bar at The Sign of the Dove, in a toney area of uptown Manhattan on 3rd Avenue, which was my favorite hang-out when I was in NYC. (It is no longer there. It was razed around the turn of the century when its block was cleared for a high-rise.)

The idea that Joey Heatherton hit on me sounds ridiculous until you realize that she did not look like the Joey Heatherton in the film clip linked above. THAT Joey Heatherton would have been hanging out with Sinatra and his pals and she probably would have had her entourage throw me in a puddle so she could use me to step over it. MY Joey looked sick – terribly thin. Some of the people in the bar told me she had some substance abuse problems, but I don’t know that for a fact. I do know that she looked more like the “now” version of Joey in this picture, and that she was wacked out of her tree that night, either drunk or stoned. Hell, she must have been out of her mind to hit on me.

She became livid when I declined, so enraged that the bartender called security and had her ejected. I felt kinda flattered by the attention – until the barkeep told me that it was a recurring scene there, and that she always reacted like that when rejected, which happened frequently.

Stella Stevens in Slaughter (1972)

We so rarely see large natural breasts these days that it’s easy to forget what they look like.

Has any human contributed more to grade-B entertainment than Stella? 1 In addition to all the abysmal movies she appeared in, she gave birth to Andrew Stevens, and therefore gave us another complete generation of “other crap.”

By the way, Stella is still with us. She turned 80 in October.

(1) I deliberately excluded William Shatner from that question with the word “human.” He is more than a mere mortal in the grade-B universe. He is a god.