Phun is reporting that there are new leaked pictures and a sex tape featuring Hannah Teter

She’s an Olympic gold medalist in snowboarding. Or maybe waterboarding. Or train boarding. Anyway, one of the big boardings.

The guy in the sex tape is Johnny Bananas. His name to the contrary, he is not a mafia don or a crazed WWE villain, but a reality TV performer.

The Brewers’ Christian Yelich achieves a baseball rarity

He’s only the fourth player in history to hit for the cycle with two additional hits, and only the second in the history of the National League, which dates to 1876. He had three singles, a double, a triple and a homer.

The others:

Bobby Veach for the Tigers in 1920: three singles, a double, a triple, a homer. Veach was the only man to achieve this feat in pro baseball’s first 124 seasons, but it has now been done three times in the past quarter century.

Rondell White for the Expos in 1995: two singles, two doubles, a triple, a homer. White is the only other National Leaguer to do it.

Ian Kinsler for the Rangers in 2009:  two singles, two doubles, a triple, a homer. Kinsler is the only infielder to do it.

All three of the previous players to accomplish the feat had major league careers spanning at least thirteen years, so this is not an achievement accomplished as a fluke by a mediocre player. Yelich is not really a household name, but he probably would be if he played in NY or LA. He is already a star, possibly going nova. He is batting .319 (first in the league) with a .943 OPS (third in the league), and plays a solid CF.

French comedienne Constance whips ’em out in an interview

And they are Jumbo Jacks.

Here’s her Wikipedia page.

And the full video, with sound, if you care. It looks like a radio program. (??!!)

I don’t know anything about her wacky French humor in general. I suppose it involves wearing a beret, impersonating Edith Piaf, and smoking unfiltered Gauloises. But exposing her giant chest on radio is comedy gold, certainly funner than radio mimes, and possibly even funnier than Ovaltine! That’s gold, Jerry! Gold!

Today Would Have Been Michael Jackson’s 60th Birthday

“Michael Jackson would have been 60 years old today – leading Megyn Kelly to question what he’s remembered for – his music or the accusations against him?”

Why can’t we remember him as a genius AND a pervert, much like Mozart, Hans Christian Andersen, and of course the greatest and most stable genius of all, Donald J. Trump?


As I suspected, the following comment engendered a lively discussion, which is why I brought it up front. I’m usually the one carrying the ball of controversy, but I have no convictions about this topic, so I cravenly let another running back run into the offensive line. If this is a passion of yours, see the rest of the debate and join in if you care to (through the comments link).

Reader comment:

“MJ was an excellent singer & dancer, but musically speaking, ‘genius’ is a ludicrous label. Quincy Jones & others did most of the work Jackson is famous for. Stevie Wonder made more lasting, quality, soulful music on 1 double album – Songs in the Key of Life – than MJ did on all his albums combined. He did some entertaining videos, but there again, he’d typically have a superficial idea (such as zombies in a graveyard – how original) and others would flesh it out for him. I’ve always thought of him as a guy who clearly went Grade-A nuts after he reached the heights of fame and fortune. His behavior went off the charts, his fortune went down the drain on such essential things as the Elephant Man’s bones, endless plastic surgery & pigmentation removal, and worse, his more diabolical tendencies came to the surface, such as molesting children. He became a sick freak, and a lying criminal as well, in the years before he died. When he met his final day, I thought, “Thank God, this bullshit is over with: all the gossip about him, his phony plans for touring, criminal accusations, financial troubles, etc. In the years to come, he’ll be viewed more accurately as a super-creepy sicko molester than the ‘King of Pop.’” It hasn’t happened yet; he’s still being worshipped by misguided cretins. When will this twisted freak’s specter ever vanish?”

George Snuffleupagus finally accepts the plea deal.

I’ll never forget my time in Greece back in the 90s, when I picked up the Athens phone book and actually found three people that were NOT named Papadopoulos. I guess it must be Greek for “Greek guy.”

(It actually means “son of a priest,” so I guess those Greek Orthodox priests are distinctly more hetero than the Catholic ones.)

Chuck 90-10 in yet another see-thru top, presumably in 2014

That’s Charli XCX, for you non-Romans.

Something I never learned in school, but discovered just now: how to do Roman numerals for various larger numbers. (I guess I should have known that there had to be a way, but I never gave it any thought.) You just write an overscore above the letter to mean “multiplied by a thousand,” or two lines above a letter to indicate “multiplied by a million.”

Examples:

The Ten Worst Performers in the history of Dancing With The Stars

This list was made before Kareem appeared on the show. I doubt that he could have unseated Master P or Steve Wozniak or Jeff Ross, but he was probably a bottom five. OK, the guy is seven feet tall and in his seventies, but even allowing for that, he barely moved.

Some of the choices seem arbitrary. Jerry Springer should not be on the list. He is no Michael Jackson, but he was fairly graceful, and finished 5th in his season. Kenny Mayne was stiff, but he had a few good moves and pretty quick feet. Compare that to Rick Perry (below), who somehow did NOT make the list.

Just for fun, because somebody actually keeps track of this stuff as if it were Ty Cobb’s batting records, here are the results by year. It’s difficult to believe that both Steve Wozniak and Master P finished ahead of three other candidates. This is because of the audience voting.

In season two Master P actually finished with the lowest judges’ score in every single week he danced (including the all-time record low of 8 points out of 30), but was saved by the viewers.

Similarly, Wozniak had the lowest score in three of his four performances in season eight, but was a fan favorite, probably with more than a hint of irony. I think people wanted to keep him in just to see how many laughs he could continue to supply. (By the way, he finished lowest among the live performances in the other week as well, but caught a break when Steve-O injured his back and could not perform.)

Rick Perry also had the lowest score each week he … er … performed.

 

You live in Pittsburgh and you want to read the Saturday paper? Tough luck.

Same problem occurs on Tuesday. You want to see how the Pirates did on Monday or Friday? Check the internet, bubba. (Hint: just assume they lost.)

The Pittsburgh metropolitan area has more than two million people, making it the largest American metro without a daily newspaper.

“So Much A-List Sexiness At The 75th Venice Film Festival”

There are some attractive women, to be sure, but I think maybe the headline contains a bit of hyperbole with the “A-list” claim. I doubt that Carolina Crescentini can knock Leo out of his favorite table at Soho House. She may be on the A-list in Italy and Slovenia, and possibly in Slovakia because they don’t realize that Slovenia is a different country.

Imhofe says McCain “is partially to blame” for White House flag controversy

UPDATED WITH READER COMMENT

Imhofe said (I did NOT make this up, by the way, to support my premise. It is a direct quote.):

“I think that John McCain is partially to blame for that because he is very outspoken. He disagreed with the President.”

Note the use of the present tense: “McCain IS partially to blame” … “he IS very outspoken.”

Now the flag-lowering/raising controversy makes sense. Trump didn’t want to lower the flag because McCain is still alive. His brain cancer was a hoax, and he will continue to work secretly for the deep state, CNN, Alec Baldwin, and the Clinton Foundation.

Trump, with access to all of the great intelligence gathering capacity of the country, combined with his own mighty brain, was able to unearth this scheme, and therefore opposed lowering the flag because that’s only done when somebody dies!

Oh, why won’t the Fake News Media expose this web of deceit instead of focusing on that witch hunt?


Reader comment:

Imhofe was like Trump is now – you wonder: is he (can anyone be) really that dumb or does he just say stupid things to get attention? But Imhofe was into it before it got big. If Trump is the Beatles, Imhofe is Little Richard.

 

Mountain Dew Tells All of Scotland to Masturbate for ‘Epic Thrills’

I certainly understand the connection between Diet Mountain Dew and jerking off. They are definitely two of my favorite things.

Either way, it’s called “doing the Dew.”

Diet Dew is also part of my favorite mixed drink. Combined with Dewars, it forms The Double Dews, a beverage I imbibe to honor my personal hero, Dalton, the main man of The Double Deuce honky-tonk in Road House, the greatest movie ever made.

Or at least I would imbibe it if I drank alcohol, which I don’t.

But if I did …

Scarlett Johansson gets her breast fondled at the Golden Globes

The hosts commented that this guy could get away with that because he’s gay, so women allow and even encourage it.

I would totally claim to be gay in order to touch famous boobs.

Hey, Scarlett, I know you read Other Crap. I’m gay now. Can we do an interview?

Karen McDougal naked

Does her name sound familiar, but you can’t quite place her? That’s because she is less famous for her career than for being paid off indirectly by Trump, through a “catch and kill” exclusive with The National Enquirer.

Unlike Stormy, McDougal was in love with Trump, thought he loved her, and made love to him many, many times.

Like Stormy, McDougal had her fling with Trump in the period shortly after Melania had her baby.

The two affairs appear to have been contemporaneous.